Formula Oppo: The Krispy Cream Grand Prix of The Communist Colony

"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko)
06/05/2015 at 21:35 • Filed to: fo

Welcome to the 7th round of Oppositelock ,jalopnik .kinja.com’s only fantasy formula one game, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! This week we scrub off our messy divorce from Jalopnik and head north to snag some poutine, cheap boner pills and hit on those sexy French-Canadian fifteen year old imported cars. I guess we could also chug some syrup and drink some shitty Molson and wonder what we did wrong in our lives....

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!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! Lewis had a comfortable lead before becoming comfortably numbnutted and fucked up his race by pitting and giving Nico his second win of the year. Vettel also profiteered off of this boner and grabbed second. Other things happened like McLaren scoring their first points of the year, and thanks to Button’s performance I might not have to buy a Manor T-Shirt. Yes, thanks to the comedy of errors that is Monte Carlo this season might not be the Hamilton domination that many have predicted.

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This brings us onto the race in the communist colony. Will Nico’s lighting strike three times? Is Hamilton banging a Kardashian? Is it Bruce Jenner? Can Kimi re-learn how to racecar and get a good qualifying? Will the glory hole in the wall of champions be visited? Can Mercedes brakes hold up? Will Williams find their groove back? Will Wynona’s big brown beaver make an appearance? Is McLaren back in the points? How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck money at the strippers?

Your drivers:

Lewis Hamilton- Mercedes

Nico Rosberg- Mercedes

Daniel Ricciardo- Red Bull

Daniil Kvyat- Red Bull

Felipe Massa- Williams

Valtteri Bottas- Williams

Sebastian Vettel- Ferrari

Kimi Raikkonen- Ferrai

Kevin Magnussen Fernando Alonso- McLaren

Jenson Button- McLaren

Nico Hulkenberg- Force India

Sergio Perez- Force India

The Wee Baby Max Verstappen- Torro Rosso

Carlos Sainz, Jr.- Torro Rosso

Pastor Maldonado- Lotus

Romain Grosjean- Lotus

Felipe Nasr- Sauber

Marcus Ericsson- Sauber

Will Stevens- Manor

Roberto Merhi- Manor

My picks?

Q. Lewis Hamilton

1. Lewis Hamilton

2. Nico Rosberg

3. Kimi Raikkonen

Curse: No curse of the Toronto Maple Leaves

The rest of you have until Q1 to make your picks, or Mr. Lahey’s gonna kick you out of the trailer park again.

Cory! Trevor! Smokes.

DISCUSSION (51)

Gated Manual > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/31/2015 at 21:32

Kinja'd!!!

All Hail the Emperor of FIFA, 50 Euros for your sadness Keanu, don’t worry i have plenty more in my Swiss Banc accounts.

415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°) > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/31/2015 at 21:33

I’m going with your picks, I am a Kimi fan but he isn’t beating the Mercs on this circuit! RBR should hurt here.

For Sweden > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/31/2015 at 21:37

Canada has the perverse position of being a Monarchist Communist country. How does one destroy the class system while maintaining royalty?

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > For Sweden
05/31/2015 at 21:37

Ask North Korea

daender > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/31/2015 at 21:39

I’ll third your picks as well. Lewis and Nico are on the tear and Lewis is probably going to be the faster one in Canada.

For Sweden > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/31/2015 at 21:42

I will when we get to that round of Formula Oppo

Toyota Sucks Lots Of Sausages > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/31/2015 at 21:45

My pick would be the Wee Baby brake-checking Grosjean.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > For Sweden
05/31/2015 at 21:45

Unfortunately Number 1 Greatest Grand Prix of Best Korea has been deemed too worthy of Formula One racing by the Dear Leader.

Stef Schrader > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/31/2015 at 21:52

1. Timbits

2. Timbits

3. Timbits

4. Timbits

...what the crap is this Krispy Cream nonsense?!

Curse: Kraft dinner farts.

Agrajag > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/31/2015 at 21:53

q. Rosbert

1. Rosberg

2. Hamilton

3. Kimi

edit*Rosbert? I’m leaving it.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Stef Schrader
05/31/2015 at 21:57

Stef, why have you not participated in FO this year?

Also fresh hot Krispy Kreme are way better than Timbits. I just used Krispy Cream to piss off both Canada and other people.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Agrajag
05/31/2015 at 21:58

Kinja'd!!!

Brian Silvestro > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/31/2015 at 22:03

Q. Lewis Hamilton

1. Lewis Hamilton

2. Nico Rosberg

3. vettel

Stef Schrader > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/31/2015 at 22:03

YOU ARE SO WRONG SIT IN YOUR CORNER AND BE WRONG

(I haven’t really participated because I’m awful at guessing this kind of thing.)

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Stef Schrader
05/31/2015 at 22:07

Orlove still does fantasy WRC, so your excuse is invalid.

jvirgs drives a Subaru > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/31/2015 at 22:23

Q: HAM

1: ROS

2: HAM

3: VET

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Stef Schrader
05/31/2015 at 22:29

Dunkin Donuts FTW

Curse: Honeydew

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/31/2015 at 22:31

Q: Hamilton

Kinja'd!!!

2 Rosberg

3: Vettel

Alex Zapata > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/31/2015 at 23:10

Let’s get this out of the way before I miss another one.

Q. Ham

1. Ham

2. Ros.

3. Vet.

Curse: Maldonado

(Doing the same thing cause I’m real salty that I had perfect points until the “mistake”)

StingrayJake > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/01/2015 at 00:26

Q. Hamilton

1. Hamilton

2. Rosberg

3. Vettel

Hoccy > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/01/2015 at 02:16

Q: Hamilton
1. Hamilton
2. Vettel
3. Bottas
C: Sainz Jr.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/01/2015 at 04:05

Q. Lewis

1. Lewis

2. Nico

3. Kimi

Curse - Fernando

Wheelerguy > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/01/2015 at 05:48

Deadpool[in best James May impersonation]: You disappoint me, Arch Duke.

*looks at me* You too. You disappoint me, Wheelerguy *waves FO score sheet*

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/01/2015 at 10:09

Q: Hamilton

1: Hamilton

2: Vettel

3: Rosberg

No curse

Santiago of Escuderia Boricua > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/01/2015 at 13:05

Kinja'd!!!

Q: Rosberg

1: Rosberg

2: Hamilton

3: Raikkonen

jariten1781 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/01/2015 at 18:44

Q: Lewis

1: Lewis

2: Rosberg

3: Sebby V.

norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/01/2015 at 19:06

Qualy: Ros

1. Vet

2. Ros

3. Rai

desertdog5051 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/01/2015 at 19:11

Great choice of the Guess Who.

My picks, based on a weird dream that woke me up.

1. Mehri Manor

2. Nasr Sauber

3. Sainz Jr. Toro Rosso

You always have to have a “first out” pick. (A Daytona staple for me and friends).

1. Grosjean

2. Verstappen

Wheelerguy > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/02/2015 at 02:06

Kinja'd!!!

Alright I’m making picks dammit. One thing I’m gonna say: There’s gonna be at least two drivers that will eat a wall.

Hamilton for polesitting and win, Vettel in 2, Rosberg in 3.

TxBrumski > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/02/2015 at 10:24

Q. Lewis Hamilton

1. Nico Rosberg

2. Valtteri Bottas

3. Seb Vettel

LongbowMkII > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/02/2015 at 13:47

Q. HAM

1. HAM

2. ROS

3. VET

C: MAL

A generic guess for a generic country. Actually I like the Canadian GP, I’m just playing it safe and Maldanado has to earn his curse eventually.

Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/02/2015 at 17:03

1. Hamilton

2. Rosberg

3. Vettel

Q. Hammy

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/02/2015 at 17:18

Q - Why’d you pit me?

1 - Seriously, shouldn’t I have stayed out?

2 - Britney

3 - BOTTAS

I’m throwing the Finn a bone here because of dat sweet, sweet straightline speed that Williams have, though part of me knows that Seb’s going to take the bottom rung of the podium again.

EDIT - No Bernie this week?

BeaterGT > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/02/2015 at 17:25

Q. Lewis Hamilton

1. Lewis Hamilton

2. Vettel

3. Rosberg

PS. I’ll be at the hairpin in Grandstand 34!

Branden J -Reading the Manual > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/02/2015 at 17:39

Q. Hamilton

1. Rosberg

2. Hamilton

3. Vettel

EL_ULY > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/02/2015 at 18:04

Cue. Luis

Juan. Lou Is

Too. Knee Co.

Threeee. Bow Tas

Curse, absolute boredom from the same mamadas ever race

Kinja'd!!!

MrDakka > Stef Schrader
06/02/2015 at 18:30

What's a Timbits?

Roadkill > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/04/2015 at 11:42

Q. Hamilton

1. Rosberg

2. Hamilton

3. Bottas

Curse: Maldonado whom will trip over his shoelaces on the way to his car and land on his huge balls, leaving him incapacitated for the race. Gilles Villeneuve will be reanimated by Ross Brawn (Who is clearly a magical sorcerer capable of such feats) to take his place.

Roadkill > BeaterGT
06/04/2015 at 12:01

Make a sign saying “all hail formula oppo” :)

Stef Schrader > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/05/2015 at 01:17

Yeah, but Orlove is magic.